As useless as a (soon to be hurting) coccyx

While walking through the mall yesterday, a kid in front of me threw an EPIC temper tantrum. It was the kind you see in movies, where the family of four is walking side-by-side, the kid holding his mom’s hand, jumping up and down while begging for something. His mother refuses over and over again until, finally, the kid realizes he has to go to extremes. He relinquishes his mother’s hand, drops to the floor, and begins violently flailing all four limbs while lying on the floor in a public place. As I was walking right behind them, I had to calmly continue walking past, less than a yard from the boy, pretending not to notice and biting my lip so that I wouldn’t burst out laughing. Although I didn’t really throw many public fits when I was younger, I was in GREAT shape. Kind of like this kid. (I smell another Olympic gymnastics age-fixing scandal! Watch out China, you have competition!) But now, four years after the last time I worked out on an even remotely consistent schedule, starting my training for B&B was mildly uncomfortable/awkward. Thankfully my legs aren’t sore, but as an asmatic who has done less cardio than plumped cow, I have the lung capacity of a tadpole. (Please pardon the obscure animal references.) I can only hope I’m in good enough shape to ride 150 miles when I’m older (or even a month from now) as this lady who is 84 and biked that distance for a good cause.

What else happened yesterday? Bike & Build sent us a list of everything we need to get for the trip. My bank account is going to be as empty as the pumpkin on my porch.

Oh, and I found out I won’t really have access to internet on the trip. Meaning this blog is essentially pointless. Sort of like Lindsey Lohan going to rehab, or trying to auction homes in Detroit. (Maybe I’ll just write a novel instead. Draw from a real life experience. Little, uh, little heartbreak, you know? Work it into the story, make those characters a little more three-dimensional. Little, uh, richer experience for the reader. Make those second hundred pages really make the reader guessing what’s going to happen. Some twists and turns. Little epilogue. Everybody learns the hero’s journey isn’t always a happy one. Oohh I look forward to writing it.) In fact, there are so many foreclosed homes in Detroit that one guy is actually going to buy one, demolish it, rebuild it, then freeze it in ice as an artistic commentary on the housing crisis. No better place to do it, I s’pose. Aaaaaaaand I’ll end on that, plus a hilarious link of Ellen scaring Taylor Swift and picture of my friends and I at a charity dinner put on by the amazing Live to Give Foundation.

PS – Coccyx is a fancy name for your tailbone. A useless bone which will most likely hurt after spending 100 miles on a thin bicycle seat.

Song, Song of the South

The route switcheroo is official. I’ll be gone, gone with the wind from Jacksonville, FL to San Francisco, CA. We’ll be stopping in 50 places along the way, in 11 states, and building for 10 days, in 6 cities, in 5 states. To see exactly where, feel free to check out my (new) route map and/or the Bike & Build website.

Speaking of the Bike & Build website, I’ve taken my blog off of it. Just in case there’s anything (or anyone) on the trip that really grinds my gears. Not that I have anything (or anyone) to complain about at this moment. Well, that’s not true, I just realized the “Las Vegas” I’ll be stopping at is in New Mexico, not Nevada. I understand this was my fault and not theirs, but for people who are quickly looking over the list of over fifty destinations, an NM can easily be misconstrued as an NV (especially when it’s sort of assumed anyway).

You know what else really grinds my gears? Cindy Crawford looks EXACTLY THE SAME AS SHE DID IN THE 80S. This was brought to my attention by a Yahoo News story. How is that possible?? Honestly. Actually, I’m not even angry, I’m impressed.

Ok, evidently I don’t really have anything that’s upsetting me right now, so I’ll continue with what’s grinding my gears in later posts.

I went to the bike shop the other day and holy hell, this trip is going to be expensive!! To the extent that Vic is apparently hoping she’ll find a bike shop that resembles a bowling alley so she can rent shoes. At this point I’m just hoping that B&B will supply a lot of it, even if it is damaging to my self-esteem (like the bibs). Better that than damaging to my fledgling savings.

While we’re on the topics of bank accounts and housing, the dreadful housing market is affecting everyone, including Eddie Murphy. Sorry, Donkey. At least it wasn’t your gumdrop buttons.

On a completely unrelated note, (and due to the fact that I haven’t put in a Family Guy clip yet,) I nearly hit two deer while driving (on separate occasions) this past week. WTF. Does my car look deer-friendly because it’s so old and brittle that it would completely absorb the deer’s impact? I’m a nature lover, but I don’t love nature totaling my car. They need to cut that crap out, my breaks aren’t functional enough to continue stopping in time. If you’re wondering why I’m not including this in the above rant, it’s because I would prefer not jinxing my rubbish car with the above terminology.

(Insert City) to San Francisco!

A lot has happened regarding my B&B trip this past week, but I’ve been working overnights and therefore haven’t been in the coherent mental state necessary to write something that can be read by the masses. Not to mention one of my best friends flipped his motorcycle (don’t worry, he’s fine, just scraped up his face, but an idiot because that points out he wasn’t wearing his helmet), Notre Dame lost to USC, and the Lions were demolished by the Packers. Yup, it’s been a bit of a tough week, but I did get to see Tim Gunn (of Project Runway) putting on a fashion show at my mall.

Oh, and…P2SF!!

I was placed in the Providence to San Francisco route shortly after my first post and spent a bit of (meaning way too much) time mapping it out. However, I just talked to Vic and she was just placed in the Southern US route (which goes from Jacksonville, FL to San Fran). So, I’m going to try to switch trips. To be honest, I just looked at the SUS route and it sounds cooler. It hits a lot of places I’ve really wanted to go, like New Orleans, Dallas, Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and Napa, among others. Granted, I won’t get to ride through the Colorado Rockies like I wanted, it’s going to be hotter than the 9th level of Hell, and I am going to have to make another tedious map. I think it’s worth it, though. I may regret it. We’ll find out.

What I’m NOT looking forward to is something that the B&B crew is considering. Bibs. Just the thought of it is bringing back haunting memories of the body image emotional distress felt by all (except Vic, who is leaner than Michael Jordan was in his prime) caused by the wetsuit fiasco in Wales. Granted, I can only assume my body will be as hard as rock (with veins popping out and everything) after all the training I’ll be doing, but it’s still tormenting.

I’ve also found out that we’ll be getting the Giant Defy 2 (Triple). Not my first choice—the Gary Fisher AR Triple—but I suppose they probably know better than I, a novice rider who hadn’t even touched a bike since childhood until a few months ago. I just liked that bike because it looked nice. Probably not the best criteria, so I’ll just trust their judgement.

Speaking of bikes, it’s my day off so I’m heading to the shop to figure out measurements and look into gear. Especially a helmet, which I plan on wearing…take note, James.

By the way, the answer is yes, I will be using an absurd amount of Family Guy references/clips in this blog. And I promise my posts will be more interesting and witty once things actually start to happen.

Born and raised in South Detroit

Ok, maybe not South Detroit, so for those of you who don’t know me, I’ll give you a little background (since I don’t have much to write about regarding this excursion right now):

I’m 23 years old and I was born and raised in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, about 15 miles Northwest of Detroit (the city where the weak are killed and eaten). Bloomfield is an amazing (though sometimes incredibly boring) suburb that I’m just now remembering how much I missed and how beautiful it is in the autumn since I’m here to stay for the first time in six years. My father is from Jamaica, my mother from Canada, and I’ve recently found out I’m an ancestral cultural mutt of extreme proportions. Anyway, they met while at college in Long Island, both ended up working for General Motors, and were therefore transferred to the Motor City shortly before I was born. I have an older sister, Carolyn (though I never refer to her by that name). She’s 28, went to Michigan State University and has the coolest dog in the world, Teddy (aka the love of my life).

In 2004 I graduated from Lahser High School and deliberately went to college out of state in order to get a new experience (a theme of mine you’ll notice). So, in August of that year I moved to Upstate New York to attend Syracuse University. Originally intending on studying sports broadcasting, I soon changed my mind and ended up studying both communications and sport management. I had a pleasant stint in Army ROTC, though I didn’t end up contracting. While at ‘Cuse I was involved in several other organizations, including SU’s Sport Management Club and Alpha Phi Omega, a co-ed service fraternity. Junior year, I studied abroad at Syracuse’s London Center, one of the most enlightening experiences of my life. I got to travel, learn about new cultures (and myself in the process), and made some incredible friends. I graduated in May 2008 with a Bachelor of Science in Communication & Rhetorical Studies, with a concentration in Sport Management. It should have been a second major in SPM, but at the time I did a summer internship with Palace Sports & Entertainment (the organization behind the Detroit Pistons and Shock pro basketball teams), they weren’t allowing summer internships to fulfill the internship requirement. And a couple weeks ago I figured out I was a mere two classes short of a minor in European History as well… so much for planning courses correctly to get the most of my education!

Since I loved London so much the first time, I decided to go back after graduation on a BUNAC six-month student visa. As I was a broke college grad, I had to save up some money before going, so I left Detroit and moved to my mother’s in New Jersey and worked in a fancy wine store named Best Cellars. In December, I crossed the Pond with a friend, not knowing where I would even be sleeping the first night until right before we boarded the plane. We struggled for a while (who knew the British shut down everything for like a month surrounding Christmas?!), but eventually we both got on our feet and had a great experience. I worked at a pub in the East End called The Golden Heart, a quirky and bustling little joint that’s been family run for the last 30 years and is a favorite of many of London’s top artists, designers and musicians. The landlady herself was named as the 80th most influential people in art due to this association. June quickly came around and I had to leave, so I went to Nice for a week before returning to Detroit exactly one year after I left it.

Now, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past several years, you should be aware that Detroit is the very last place you want to be if you’re looking for a job. Oh goody, I’m back, unemployed and have very little experience in anything relating to my field. Not to mention that I really want to do Bike & Build (the reason I’m starting this blog) next summer—ALL of next summer—so I will have to leave whatever job I have for 2.5 months, if they’ll even take me back after that long. Not to sound pessimistic, but…well, there’s no way around that situation being less than ideal. I did just started working in sales at Banana Republic, though, so don’t worry, I’ll be able to pay my bills.

As for Bike & Build, I like to describe it as: Habitat for Humanity meets Tour de France. Basically what goes on is you fundraise to bike cross-country and build affordable housing along the way. My friend Victoria told me about it while I was in London and I was immediately interested since it combines three of my favorite things—travel, athletics and service. Upon returning to my downtrodden Detroit, where layoffs and foreclosures are all you hear about on the news, I made joining Bike & Build a top priority. So, I filled out the application, wrote the essays, and now I’m waiting to hear where I’ll be spending my time next summer. Exciting! Let the fundraising and new Journey (bah-dum-chee!) begin!

A few unique facts about yours truly:

-Been to France for lunch (just lunch) twice

-Walked across an entire country (Monaco)

-Never had a nose bleed

-Voted on the 2008 Grammys

-Gone cliff diving and surfing in Wales

-Though there’s no reasoning behind it, I’ve been a lifelong Notre Dame Football fan

-SCUBA dove in Nice

-Bobsled in Lake Placid

-Slept for 20 hours straight once

-Had an entire building complex evacuated because a dining hall brownie caught on fire in my microwave

-Thoroughly enjoy target shooting